He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
