I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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