I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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