so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's shark week go big or go home
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
