Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
