Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
