I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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