you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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