I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
