yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
