matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
