Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
