So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
