I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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