Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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