filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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