apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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