mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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