It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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