Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
