You work out of a Hotel?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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