Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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