I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
