im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
