I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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