I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
