I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
