Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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