if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
