You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
