win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
