Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
