idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
