She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize