I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
