I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
