I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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