Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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