Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i used baking grease as lip gloss
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
