New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
