I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
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Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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