One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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