halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
