In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
there is puke in my bra ... again
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