he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
