I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
