How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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