She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am available for nakedness
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
