I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
