Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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