why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
