His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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