Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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