Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
