If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
