Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
