Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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