Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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