I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize