I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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