They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
