the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
