Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
