Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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