Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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