Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So many bounce houses so little time
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
