I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
