the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
