So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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