It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
