the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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