Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
