Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
