Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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