and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
