Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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