her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Everclear isn't food dammit
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
