the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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