Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
